Movies With Matvey Cherry

Harry & Meghan

Illustration by Paco May

The rating of the documentary about the life of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry on IMDB is only 4.6, but, according to rumors, Netflix has already paid several million in advance for this shit show. Twitter users called on Meghan Markle to apologize for this passage where she mocks the traditions of the British royal family.

I watched the first episode at a speed of 1.25 and have to state: it’s VERY boring. A mix of a slick glossy interview with footage that we’ve all seen. Before the conflict with Buckingham Palace–the most interesting part–it’s 3-4 hours of torment for sure.

The British press expectedly disassembles Harry and Meghan into microns. In addition to vindictive quibbles, journalists noticed several really strange inconsistencies in the most innocent little things. For example, Harry and Meghan used to declare that they met on a blind date organized by a mutual friend. In the Netflix documentary, they say they met through Instagram. Then there’s the proposal . . . As we remember, Harry made it casually, while cooking chicken. But in the documentary we see footage from the garden, a blanket, electric candles, roses, and Meghan FaceTiming her friend during this moment. Suspicious. Why lie about it? And yet . . .

Harry and Meghan came out with a disclaimer that the Royals refused to comment on the documentary. The palace also claims that no one has sent any requests.

Earlier, the corrosive journalists of The Times found out that the scenes from the trailer for Harry & Meghan, with the paparazzi allegedly chasing the couple, were taken from completely different events. One of them (immediately after the shocking shots, a crying Markle) shows journalists at the doorstep of the court hearing for the drunk driving Katie Price (scandalous model, TV presenter, reality show star). Another clip from the trailer allegedly shows journalists chasing Donald Trump’s lawyer caught up in tax fraud.

It was worth subscribing to The Times, if only because they publish funny recaps for every episode of Meghan Markle’s Archetypes podcast. Of course, God himself ordered to laugh at Meghan, because she seems to be a walking book of quotes on the topic of wisdom, psychology, esotericism, a conscious lifestyle, and a hundred ways to cook avocados. At home, Meg has a motivating painting: “Human kind: be both.” While The Times columnist is trying her best to be human, and not some kind of subspecies of invertebrates, Meg goes “to the first pages of her true story,” recalling her school years. She comes to a thoughtful conclusion: “You’re not just a human being, you’re a human — just being.” Umm… In the end, Meg advises everyone to “sit in your authenticity.” Yeah, you can get on a private jet flight London-LA and you sit in this very authentically!

Long before the podcast, Markle had been running The Tig blog for 3 years since 2014. The Tig is an abbreviation for tignanello, an Italian wine which Meghan tasted once and made her understand everything about life. Since then she began to consider any insight as a “tig moment.” In the blog, which seems like a distant relative of The Goop, she was posting about food, travel, fashion, and her communication with inspiring people. There were tips on packing a suitcase, conversations with the Princess of Libya (“I had to pinch myself that I was emailing the princess” lol), and Heidi Klum, as well as a column about a month in Italy, styled as an adaptation of Eat, Pray, Love (well, it was 2016).

Once upon a time, President Bush’s PR team began working with Angelina Jolie when her reputation in Hollywood seemed to be beyond repair. As a result–children, the UN mission, charity, and family values. Not life, but a fairy tale. Who now remembers heroin, an affair with Ethan Hawke, married to Uma Thurman (Uma did not accidentally make friends with Jennifer Aniston), kisses with her brother, two suicide attempts, and everything that a professional team had to clean from the internet.

Now another very professional team has taken on Meghan. But if Jolie had energy and charisma, which she managed to put in a beautiful wrapper, then everything with Meghan is flawlessly beautiful, but sincerity is not detected. Meghan is not a person, but a living press release.

Matvey Cherry


Paco May


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